Iain Riddell's shared experience

Hi, I’m Iain and I’ve been married for over thirty years now with young adult children. I would like to share my story about my Dad who took his own life when I was a child and why I think it’s so important to not feel shame when talking about suicide, particularly with your family.

When I was 8 years old, my Dad took his own life – though this was not something my Mum decided to share with me at the time, either through shame (this was the sixties) or because she thought she was protecting my sister and I. She gave us a completely different cause of death for Dad. I accidentally found out the true cause when I was 9 years old, looking through some of my Mums paper work, but I never mentioned it to her and I kept this family secret to myself for over forty years.

In 2007, with my mum’s increasingly worsening health, I finally gained the confidence to discuss the issue with her – my only regret is not doing this sooner. From that one conversation I learnt so much about my Dad and felt so much more connected to my Mum. It was a healing process for both of us and finally let me understand my Mum’s grief too.

The reason I wanted to share this story is because I wish I had realised sooner how important it is to talk after losing someone to suicide. It’s critical in the grieving process and helps strengthen the relationship between those left to deal with the consequences of such an awful situation. Suicide is nothing to be ashamed of and Suicide&Co provide amazing resources for anyone struggling to initiate those conversations, whether you’re looking to support someone who’s been bereaved or need the support yourself.

Written by Iain Riddell.