Submission 164

Dad

As a child losing a parent to suicide, I feel as though my default setting is guilt and that I could have done more. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did.

I'm trying hard not to let mine or your life be defined by the nature in which your life ended. I want people to remember you for all your thoughtfulness, enthusiasm and witt and for those qualities to live on in the people that loved you.

I still have times where missing you rocks me to my core and I can feel it in my bones. As a 17 year old loosing a parent, a younger me wanted to find anything that would reassure me that things will get better.

7 years down the line and those phrases people say at the very beginning like 'time is a healer' are starting to resonate with me. It's not that my grief has shrunk, just my life around my grief gets bigger.

At the same time, I want you to be in it. I still think of you every day. When I'm painting my room which you would have helped me with. When I'm listening to new music which we would have shared with eachother. It's the little things that I miss.

I think you would be proud of our family and how much we continue to love you.