Submission 227
Dear Mum, Dear Bro,
I am angry you left without explaining honestly how you felt and what you were considering and let us help you. I'm angry you didn't fully seek mental health support, when we could have paid.
Submission 225
To my brother
Hi Matt, summer is finally over again and I can start to breathe again. I don’t think I can ever enjoy a summer again no matter how much I convince myself. I think everyone thinks I’m crazy as all I look forward to is Christmas! I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most.
Submission 221
Dear L,
It will have been 6 years since you left in December. That’s crazy, isn’t it? 6 years is a really long time, or at least to me it is.
I don’t really speak about you to other people. But I wish I could. I miss you so, so much and a day doesn’t go by where I don’t think of you or say a prayer for you. We only knew each other for a couple of years but I loved every second of our friendship. And if given the chance I would speak about all of the bits of you that I miss. So that’s what I’m going to do now. Don’t cringe too hard!! Haha.
I miss your smile the most. It’s clichéd, I know, but I’m being honest. You grinned like a Cheshire Cat and it was delightfully infectious. I miss your long brown hair, and the smell of the rubbish body sprays you used to get from Superdrug.
Submission 216
Dear Daisy,
Life feels strange the older I get and you are still 16 years young. I often find myself thinking about the things you’re missing out on and wonder what person you’d have blossomed into.
Submission 212
Dad,
I don’t think I will ever really be ok without you here. I have a hole in my heart that will never be filled - not with all the money, love, friends or fun in the world, and I am so very sorry I didn’t realise how much you mean to me sooner. I will never forgive myself for that.
Submission 209
To my Brother,
Despite the years that have passed since you could no longer carry the weight of your sadness, l still find myself oscillating between the raw pain of losing you and the dull ache of missing you. And maybe worse than that I find every day is soaked in guilt.
Losing you felt like losing a significant part of myself - or maybe more accurately, the part of me that you were so integral to crafting became a part of me that was replaced with an angry, bereft shadow of its former self. Grief lives so permanently in my back pocket that I wonder what I’d be without it in the same way I feared what I’d be without you.
Submission 199
Dear Dad,
I have spent most of the last 5 years thinking about what I would say to you if I could. We did not say enough to each other when you were still here. I thought I had time. I miss seeing you every weekend and Sundays are still hard for me sometimes.
Submission 179
To my baby brother
It's hard to believe that five years have passed since that fateful day, July 29, 2018. It was the day when you chose to leave it all behind, seeking freedom from the struggles that burdened you. Little did I know that behind your enigmatic smile, you were silently carrying such profound pain.
Submission 178
To my brother Pete
I can’t put my finger on what I miss about you. I often just sit and think about you. I’m lucky to have so many memories of our childhood, and I think about how you always wanted to show me and tell me everything you knew about the world…like you were preparing me the whole time for when you leave. I still use all that you showed me…so you’re never out of my thoughts and I often think. I go fishing to clear my mind, but only think about how you taught me to fish. I listen to music constantly to exercise the emotions that I can’t always show…and it’s always listening to music that you played to me when we were young.
Submission 175
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much it hurts. I am going through such an exciting time in my life at the moment which has allowed me to reflect on my own thoughts and emotions. Whilst I am super happy and grateful to be experiencing what I am, there is just a constant thought in the back of my head of ‘I wish I could tell my dad what’s happening.’
Submission 169
To my brilliant son Lee
Hello beautiful boy, it’s been so long since I’ve been able to hold you tight little man, but of course you’re a big grown up man now. I bet you’re much taller than Dad nowadays.
Submission 165
To my friends
I hope that if you start thinking about taking your own life, that you become aware of the people that would miss you. Someone that smiles quietly inside because they see you walk by, someone that likes the sound of your voice or quietly sitting next to you. Someone that notices and likes your style of fashion and is inspired. And I hope you'd see that this someone, these people, might struggle to carry on knowing that you could not. I hope that if you ever start thinking about taking your own life, that life finds it's way back to you. That you know that taking your life is not the only way out of pain and suffering. I hope that you find support and guidance that truly helps you, nurtures you, comforts you.
Submission 164
Dad
As a child losing a parent to suicide, I feel as though my default setting is guilt and that I could have done more. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did.
Submission 147
To my oldest friend,
It is so hard to put into words all the feelings I have. I just want you to know that it doesn't matter how many years have past, I still think about you any time something good happens in any of our lives, there is a gaping hole where you would be to celebrate all the engagements and promotions (not mine lol). I also think about you everytime something bad or stupid happens.
Submission 139
To my daddy,
I miss you so much. 8 years without you and my heart hurts.
I have a dad shaped hole in my life but you are my biggest inspiration and I am trying to help people like you. I have done so much over the last 8 years and I would have loved to have had you there with me. But everything I do, you are in my thoughts and I carry your love and strength with me everyday.
You were an amazing man and I will ensure nobody ever forgets the kind, gentle and caring man that taught me so much.
Submission 138
Dear Tom
I was not ready to let you go. I’m not angry with you, how could do I be.
You were the the light of my my life the laughter in my heart, always being daft yet intelligent.
Submission 137
Dad,
It’s taken me a little while to have the courage to write this letter.
In my head I talk to you every day, but somehow having to summarise the last eight years without you didn’t seem possible.
Submission 109
Hello Patrick,
I am sorry we did not get to finish our conversation or that you did not take up my invitation to come and stay for a while.
I know you were angry. I know you were ‘stuck’. I know you had enough.
You were inside trying to reach out….and we were outside trying to reach in.
Submission 75
Beautiful Duncan,
My Darling Duncan, OH how I miss you,I am broken, there are no answers and I will always ask why.Your brother says when we meet again, to you it will be seconds but to us it will feel forever and I won't even care Why you left I will just be so pleased to be with you again.
Submission 59
Dear Russ,
Today would be your 50th birthday and its such a bloody shame we are not sharing a pint and reminiscing about the old days of Park Drive, South Newbarns, 6th form, the Berry and all the rest of the great times we had.