Submission 234

Dear Karl,

It has been 5 years and this month you would have been 25. After what you put me through prior to your passing, I doubt we would be friends now. You may have achieved your dream of being in medical school to become a GP, one who would listen without judgement, understand and do everything he could to help.

I don't know if I miss you but I do wish you were still alive. I miss your humour. I miss seeing you sit in the garden, smoking and feeding the sparrows. I miss how you were always so kind, so gentle, so ready to help people.

I live my life for you now. I am out of the closet, and proud. I try and help people however I can, support their dreams. No one in my life now knew you, but hopefully they know your spirit and energy through me.

You were thoughtful, a true gentleman. You supported my spoken word performances. You got us matching socks because I mentioned once how much I loved yours, or maybe I just made you feel good about wearing them and you liked that. You were failed by so many, including myself. Your life ended in pain, and I am glad that is over now at least.

I wish more people knew you, knew how much your life impacted mine. Anything good I've done was motivated by you. Mors tua, Vita mea - I was suicidal before I knew you and almost a lost cause, but your death gave me life, showed me why I must live. It shouldn't have been this way. It shouldn't have been this way.

I don't know if I miss you, but I know I love you as a brother and I wish you were alive. Your memory will always live within me, and your good heart will be felt wherever I go because you made me a better person, regardless of what some may think.

Your soul has moved on to the next life, but one day we will be reunited in enlightenment.