Managing grief during the festive season

The holidays can be a challenging and often lonely or daunting time for some, especially if you are grieving a loved one. It’s worth increasing your self-care, making time and space for conversations and importantly planning in moments for joy and laughter that are on your terms.

We asked our community to tell us about their experience of navigating grief around significant dates and the festive season and we had over 200 responses to our survey.

95% of people found their experience with grief more difficult during significant dates and events and 63% actively sought additional support from family, friends or organisations around a significant date or event.

Below we have included some guidance and ideas around how to navigate this period and we’ve also included the support services that are open because our Helpline closes between midday on the 24th December - midday on the 2nd January.

Challenges during this period

Anticipation in the lead up

Many people find the month of December the worst part due to worry around the actual Christmas period, and how you’ll feel and what you will do. Deciding whether to keep to traditions/ rituals versus changing the plan completely can be difficult to navigate especially within a family dynamic.
Difficult external factors

During this season there are often increased commitments and social functions as well as the fact that in the UK the mornings and evenings are darker. We also heard a lot from our community that the consistent portrayal or merriment through Christmas TV adverts and music everywhere you go, can be really hard when are you not feeling in that spirit.
Grief with the volume turned up

Of course during this time all deep feelings of missing the person whose died are amplified. Their absence from traditions or rituals, their physical presence at gatherings, not buying them presents and even their practical contribution to the time if there was one. Some from our community also noted thinking about what the person is missing out on more.

There is no right way to navigate this season, everyone’s journey is unique, but please do remember you are not alone and there are services and support that can help.

Guidance and ideas

Prioritise yourself

It’s important to rid any guilt around expectations of how you should feel or act during this period. Spending time thinking about what you would like to do is key and then communicating that with those who support you or those who you are spending the period with can make it a lot easier for everyone involved. It can also be useful to communicate a need for flexibility as you may feel different at the time.
Explore ideas that suit you

Throughout our survey findings it was clear that the majority of our community either want to find ways to integrate the person’s memory into what they’re doing or instead change the plans/ normal routine completely. Some people went on holiday, changed the normal location or tradition and others focused on activities their person loved; wrote them a card or bought a present they would have bought them. Get creative with ideas and remember there is no right answer.
Planning makes a difference

One aspect that can make the period harder is if you haven’t spent time thinking about what you’d like to do. Spending that time and importantly communicating your ideas with the people you’ll be spending the period with is a great idea, as it can release feelings of worry and ensures that everyone is aware of what you’re going to do and feels included in that. It’s also a good idea to plan in time for self-care, try to get out in nature as much as possible and avoid social media!