Submission 196

Mum

I miss you, the world isn't the same without you in it. Although a year has passed I still feel like someone will tell me that they got it wrong, you aren't gone and you'll walk in that door again.

I used to wonder why we hadn't been enough to stay, but now in my better moments I have such clarity of your love, how your actions were out of a desire to protect us and how cruel your mind was being to you that it didn't let you see any other way out.

I will always wish we could have done something to save you, to have shown you a way out, but we were all so lost in the fog with you.

Losing you has changed me, my whole soul has shifted on its axis and my aim is now to apply love and compassion wherever I can, the compassion I should have shown you instead of my mis-directed anger. Now I have to apply that compassion to myself, you taught me that.

My girls miss you, so much. I wish you could see them, you'd think they were incredible now and so grown up. But I see you, everywhere and in everything, your light guiding me even when I'm lost in the dark.

Love you forever Mum xxx