Submission 245
Dear B
I’m writing this as we celebrate your birthday for another year— without you. There are so many things in this life that remind me of you, trigger a memory, small or big. Suddenly my eyes fill up with tears. I cry less frequently than I did in the first year, but I can still feel my breath catch in the back of my throat when I think about you, your laugh, your shoes, the way you sat on the couch, the constant twirling of your beard, the way you fit into my life.
Submission 244
To the funniest person I knew,
Hey. It’s been over a year now since you left. I remember the first day we met, we instantly connected. The way you’d light up an entire room without even trying is something I’ll never forget. I remember you telling me that one day you wanted to be a singer/rapper. I hope that wherever the universe put you now, you’re living that dream. I’m so sorry that life was never fair to you. I’m sorry that I didn’t reach out more once we both went back to our homes. I still feel your light on the days where things feel so dark. I can hear you telling me to keep going. So I will. I promise, I will. And someday, when my time is up, I hope we can laugh together again. Miss you every day, kid.
Submission 242
Dad,
Nothing is the same since you left us. There is a void that cannot be filled, and the world has changed.
I’m sorry you suffered for 2 years, you became a shell of the funny, charismatic Dad we once knew. It was nothing short of heartbreaking to watch you fall deeper into the darkness ,despite your efforts to get well again. You really did try, and I know that.
I want you to know I’m not angry, I understand you could no longer take the thoughts, and the torment of your mind, but the day you chose to end your pain, ours truly began. There is no pain like it.
Submission 239
To my handsome love,
It's been five years, Joaquin is now 9 and Iséla is 7. They were 4 and 2 when you ended your life. As I watch our baby boy grow, he is hitting the age where he needs his dad to help him navigate through the boy/manly stuff
My memory always wanders back to the conversation we had at our old house sitting on our couch. We were talking about your broken relationship with your own dad.
You looked at Joaquin, touched his hair and said that every boy needs his dad. I'm always going to be here for him.
Submission 238
Dear Grady,
I didn't get to know you very well before you died, but you've been in my head every day since. I'd like to think we'd have been friends. I remember your laughter in school and your smile. I remember watching you and your brother walk across the field together. We share a battle that I hope you knew you weren't alone in. What did you think in your last moments? Was it off childhood, of home and friends and dirt bikes and skateboarding? Was it fear and sadness so pervasive that death was a deity? I love you, Grady. And I always will.
Submission 237
To my wee Scottish pal,
Somedays it feels like a million years ago that you passed away but other days it feels exactly like the actual 1889 days ago that you passed away and I can feel every moment of those 1889 days.
Every time something happens either good or bad I always want to call you or message you.
Submission 233
To my darling Paul,
I miss you in ways even words cannot understand.
Always and forever
Your Dawn
xxx<3xxx
Submission 228
The best big sister,
I have written to you every year since , all the things I would usually tell you , the things I would only go to you for . I miss your smile and your voice and how easy it was for you to light up a room. I miss the times I needed you and you were there.
Submission 227
Dear Mum, Dear Bro,
I am angry you left without explaining honestly how you felt and what you were considering and let us help you. I'm angry you didn't fully seek mental health support, when we could have paid.
Submission 222
Mum
I wish you'd have stayed
I wish you'd have stayed
Mum, I wish you'd have stayed.
The daylight wouldn't feel so harsh if only you'd stayed.
The nighttime is now memories and arguments replayed.
And it'll never be the same without you, Mum, if only you'd stayed.
Submission 219
To my Florist,
To my Florist,
How lucky I am to miss you so desperately.
In the years after you died, we’ve all spent many hours trying to understand what happened, what could have happened, what we could have changed, questions that rearrange your world. I think that’s partly because we’re all still so young, with a desperate need laced with naïvety to rationalise the irrational and work out what our favourite colour is by the end of each day, only to wake up and change our minds. But I think that’s the nature of how you died, it’s not linear or something that can be prepared for. I’ve since stopped trying to neatly piece together answers, something’s are simply not that simple. That’s why we have grey, techno and question marks.
Submission 215
To my baby brother,
My other half is a term associated with love
I’m using it to describe you, my brother up above
My brain etched with memories of laughter and joy
Only shared with you my brother, my special boy
There’s a poem called the dash, about time on this earth
About the use of our time from the day of our birth
Your time on this earth so short and sweet
Submission 213
To my Dad
It has been one year, two months, and 25 days since you left us. There hasn't been a single one of those where I haven't thought about you, about why you did this, about what I could have done to change things.
Of course the answer is I couldn't.
Submission 211
To my Brother,
I lost you nearly three years ago, and I am still to process it all. Some days are good, and the relief I feel is no longer just temporary- but the reality and reminders of you still crush me before the day is done.
Submission 210
Dear S,
Next Sunday would have been our 6th wedding anniversary. It's strange to think back on our story now - things happened in such a whirlwind at the start, and now I've been grieving you for longer than we had been married.
Submission 206
Reader
Where to begin? Well,
typically, anniversaries might celebrate something like a relationship or a work achievement. This anniversary certainly didn’t feel like an occasion for celebration.
Submission 205
To my Matt
It’s been just over a year since you left us. The pain of losing you is still so raw. I loved you so much and would have done anything to help you, if only you had been able to tell me how you were feeling.
I had no idea, there were no signs that anything was wrong. We were so happy, planning to move away and have a better future. I am so sad for you and also angry that you have taken that future away from me and from yourself.
Submission 204
Dearest Christopher
Five years, two months and two weeks. The love, loss, guilt and anger I feel will be with me until I draw my last breath.
Submission 203
To my beautiful son,
The day you decided you couldn't live anymore with the pain and thoughts in your head, was the day part of me died too. I will forever ask why and although I'm told that it wasn't my fault, I blame myself for what you did.
Submission 202
Anna,
It's the type of pain that will never end, I'Il miss you forever, my fierce friend.
Your suicide is the most difficult thing I've had to process. I don’t feel it’s my place to tell your story and I find it hard to admit that it’s part of mine.