Practical concerns when bereaved by suicide: How to prepare for counselling
Bereavement, and in particular suicide bereavement, affects people in different ways and therefore there is no right or wrong way to feel. Whilst counselling is not the right path for everyone, many find that working through your grief with a skilled counsellor can help you come to terms with your loss and deal with the feelings that come along with suicide bereavement. Losing a loved one to suicide is devastating, and quite often adds complex layers to an already difficult grieving process and therefore navigating suicide bereavement can be extremely hard. This is why we want to open conversations for those bereaved by providing access to a safe space where they can work through this grief with professional counsellors.
Starting counselling can be a tough experience to navigate and being vulnerable takes courage. When starting counselling you should expect and prepare to talk openly with your counsellor about your bereavement and the challenges and emotions you are facing. This may feel difficult at first if you have not been able to talk openly about these topics before, and it is quite normal to feel a little worse in the initial stages as you start to tackle these memories again. Over time you will develop a therapeutic relationship with your counsellor and move towards solutions to understand and cope with your emotions.
Counselling is about much more than just the hour a week when you speak to your counsellor. Your counsellor may often assign ‘homework’ so that you can continue to work on caring for your well-being throughout the week after your session.
You are also likely to continue to think about your sessions or plan topics to bring up in your next session in the time surrounding your sessions so give yourself space to do this thinking.
Counselling is a commitment, and it is important to recognise that you can learn many useful tools for processing and dealing with your bereavement, however meeting regularly with an individual is simply a time commitment from your busy life so do remember this before you start! Just like deciding to start a new exercise regime, all of it takes time and you need to have the space to add this to your schedule. Online or telephone counselling is something we’ve all become more familiar with due to the Coronavirus pandemic. Although this can sound daunting to some, there are many advantages to accessing counselling via telephone or video calls: services can be accessed from anywhere with a phone or internet connection at a time that is convenient for you, and it does not involve traveling to an appointment which can often be a barrier to access and be costly!
There are undoubtedly different aspects though so it can help to put some thought into your environment and set up! Before your sessions, we recommend finding a quiet place in an environment that you feel safe and comfortable in, including a comfy chair! Grab a drink of water to have with you during the session and try to remove the possibility of distraction by putting a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door, telling those who might need you that you will be unavailable during this time and putting your mobile phone on silent or out of reach; this is your time.
If you’re doing it online, make sure you start a seperate browser so you don’t have other tabs to distract you!
Using headphones can also create an extra level of privacy for you if you are worried about the possibility of people overhearing your session when engaging in online or telephone counselling.
It can help to block out a small window of time both before and after your counselling session, to act as a ‘time cushion’ to help you emotionally prepare beforehand and to process and reflect on the session afterwards before you jump back into your daily routine.
Lastly, to be able to get the most out of your counselling sessions, it is important to find a counsellor that you connect with; so never be afraid to request to change counsellors if you feel something is not working for you.