Amy’s Experience
What phrase do you use most often to describe how your loved one died?
She was very ill and she had a chemical imbalance in her brain. A lightning bolt struck.
2. Did you struggle with that language?
I still find saying she killed herself very difficult at times. I am very clear from the beginning to say she was ill and it is an illness
3. How do you find having conversations about the person you’ve lost?
I cried a lot and still cry sometimes about the actual event. The physical pain in your heart when you re-live the story can feel like the first time. However, I Iove talking about her and what she was like and our childhood with her.
4. How do you find having conversations about your grief and what you’re going through?
I am quite open with my grief and how I am feeling and what I am thinking. I think its because I want to speak up every time I feel awful and sad because I don’t want to bottle it up as that can be scary.
5. What do you think could make these conversations easier?
Yes definitely, I would like to be able to educate friends, family, schools, businesses in the appropriate things to say to ensure triggering words aren’t used to make a tough situation worse.
I would also like to equip people with the tools to be able to speak rather than walk away from someone grieving, I have felt at times ostracised and excluded because people don’t know what to say so would rather leave the room/not bring up the elephant in the room.
6. Do you have tips for others in this situation?
Whatever they are feeling and experiencing should not be squashed and forced down just to make others feel more comfortable.
Do speak to people you feel comfortable with if you feel your mental health deteriorating or the pain becoming unbearable there are professional services that are there to help.
7. Was there one thing you wish people had said or asked you after your bereavement?
I was I believe the first person in my year at school and indeed out of friends who had lost a parent or someone close to suicide and I wish there was even one person who sort of knew what I was going through. I know the people who haven’t been through something like that shouldn’t and wouldn’t say I understand but its about knowing there is a wider community out there.
I wish people didn’t think that just because a week, month, year, 10 years had past that the pain and grief and loss is gone. It is certainly reduced and manageable much more but it will never leave. I wish people ask me more how I am doing with things and ask me more questions about mummy.