Submission 12

My dearest darling son Cal,

My heart is aching and hurting I miss you so much, life will just never be right. I miss everything about you, your scent, touch, hugs, kindness, support, kind blue eyes, your humour, our chats whilst sharing a spliff. You understand my own challenges in life. We flew as if we are on the same plane.

I’m so so sorry I didn’t listen properly, I didn’t hear what you were really telling me, I will never forgive myself. I can’t wait to hold your hand and tell you how sorry I am. I wasn’t good enough I should have given you the belief I could help you and there was hope in the future and I would always hold your hand and be by your side. I’m sorry I failed to be there in the way you needed me.

I’m not asking for your forgiveness. Just let me know you are ok and life for you now is peaceful.

I can’t wait to see you again and feel your hugs. This is not a goodbye, we will meet again. I will always love you everyday of my life, and for now I wait for you to come to me and hold me.

My deepest love for you Cal, always.

Your forever loving Mum xxxxxx