Submission 208

Dear big brother,

To my big brother.
To the one who was supposed to be along my side till the day life did us apart, to the one who was supposed to be a shoulder to lay on when things got tough. To the one who I was supposed to tell all my friends about, because of how much I looked up to you, and how much I wished I could be you when I grew up.
To the one who I still look up to, just not in the same sense as I did when I spoke your name, now it is just a lonely, long, stare at the stars - hoping you are looking down and telling me it will be okay.

The reality is, I wish I could've told you it would be okay. I wish I could've gave you a shoulder to lay on when it got tough, I wish I could've been there for you to tell your friends about me. I wish life didn't do us apart so soon.
Sometimes when I look at the sky, I'm angry at you for leaving so soon. I'm angry because you passed your pain onto me and everybody else. I'm angry because I can't physically look up to you anymore.

But other times, I'm sympathizing with you. I'm asking you how you managed to hold on for so long, I'm asking for advice and screaming for help even though I know you can't give me any. Often I'm missing you, I'm wishing I could come see you and tell you all my problems, I need my hero.

Whatever the day is, however angry I am, or however sympathetic I am - I miss you. And I wish you could tell me it would all be okay, because I really need that sometimes.

I love you.