Submission 36

Mum,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we never got to laugh and cry together. I’m sorry that you couldn’t tell me off when I didn’t brush my teeth. I’m sorry that you couldn’t tidy my hair, kiss me goodnight, and wish me good luck. I’m sorry that I couldn’t ask you about soup and bees, love and stuff. I’m sorry that we didn’t watch TV, walk in the winter sun or shelter from the pouring rain. I’m sorry that I didn’t drive you mad wobbling home late with cider and girls on my lips. I’m sorry that I have nothing to hold on to, no memories to describe. I’m sorry when I see your eyes they don’t touch a memory inside.I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you, that no one reached you just in time. I’m sorry that you didn’t find a different path, we could have met along the way.I’m sorry for your own story, hateful fragments that I now know. I’m sorry for the silence, a deep and unforgiving snow. I’m sorry that we didn’t hug and tell each other things would be ok.I’m sorry that I could not call or text to tell you that I miss you. I miss you.