Submission 71

Tom,

God, I miss you. I miss you every second of every day.
People ask the question, is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all…. For a long time, I couldn’t imagine anything was worth the pain of losing you. As the weeks have turned to months, and the months now turned to a year…. I am able to see through the thick cloud of grief that has followed me around, and remember the good times with fondness, rather than the gut-wrenching pain of losing you.

You didn’t need to do it. There is nothing that can’t be fixed. But even if there was no way out, why now? Why waste those years with your children? If I wasn’t enough, your children definitely were. You’ve left them with painful memories. You’ve left them when they need you the most. I’m angry at you. I’m angry at everything you have thrown away. Everyone you have hurt. Angry that you couldn’t see how much we love you and need you. The value you added to all our lives. I just want to shout and scream at you and stop you from destroying everything.

But most of all I just wish I could hold your hand and never let go. I love you so much.