Submission 72

Momma and Wendy,

Only in recent years did I realise the suffering you both endured in your life. I cannot imagine living through times you did, and I was so lucky to grow up around you as my mother and auntie. For that I was truly blessed and ever grateful. I also can never imagine the bond you had as twins....and while I feel the loss of you both I saw you mom, die that day with Wendy, you were never the same and you never got over it...the truth is neither did I, yet I assumed we all looked after you well enough to feel the need to stick around for us all, we needed you, we still do. I am trying my best to look after Phillip, Claire and Alison, like you always told us we had to stick together....we have, I made that promise to you. At times it has taken everything in my mind body and soul to remain that way as we have all battled our grief in different ways. But I've done it mom. I cannot decide if you knew your life would end this way, you wrote us letters long before you went away. Did I fail to take care of you and you knew all along. All unanswered questions that eat at me. I just hope you are together now as you wished, because I cannot contemplate all of this to have been for nothing. That's what it feels like some days, a waste, we've been robbed of you both. I feel angry sometimes, sad others, then sometimes I feel happy to have had you at all. What I know is that with everything I have inside me still I will never ever stop loving you and teaching my 3 babies all you taught me.

We will all be OK Momma, Wendy will take care of you from here. Be at peace together