Submission 07

Dad,

I hope you have found the peace that you were looking for. When I am asked that dreaded question “how did he die?” I simply say, you died from sadness.

It tears me apart that you felt as though this was the only option you had. I’ve grown up hearing stories about how funny you were, how you lit up every room you entered with your personality and dance moves… although they are nice to hear, it also breaks my heart a little more each time.

I often sit and think of you, and wonder if you would have stayed maybe we could have saved you from the pain you felt inside. If you would have held on those extra 4 weeks and held me when I was born, maybe, just maybe, you could of felt like you had something to live for?

30 years ago you left. 30 years ago I was born.

Mum sees a lot of you in me, my eyes, my lips, and my personality. I feel proud knowing that I am like you. My dad.

I know she finds it hard when I remind her of you, and I feel guilty for that. I am a living, breathing, reminder of what she lost. You were her best friend, and she still loves you with all of her heart today. But as guilty as I feel, I do hope it brings her maybe a little bit of comfort knowing a piece of you is still here - in me.

I have accepted that I will never get the answers I have always wanted, I just wish things were different. I’m sorry dad. I hope I’m making you proud and I sincerely hope you know just how loved you truly are!

Love you.