Submission 06

Dear Adriana,

I know keeping you here would have been selfish of me. While of course the trauma of losing you is still raw, I really respect your decision to end it. I know you had lived a lot of trauma yourself over the years and living with bipolar challenged you in ways I can’t even imagine.

I’m not angry. I’m not resentful. I just miss you, everyday. When I’m out walking to meet someone, I want to call you for a chat while I’m walking. When I have an update in my life – work, love life, family – I just want to update you on everything. I want to hear your laughter and hear your guidance.

That last 24 hours really plays on my mind. We’d spoken the day before and everything seemed like it was on the up for you – new job, new place to live. I know it was still pretty raw – the aftermath of the recent breakdown. But I could hear hope in your voice and we were making future plans – both for the immediate, and for the far-off future. I thought you could see your future.

I’d love to know what changed in that 24 hours. Did the thoughts get too much? Why didn’t you reach out? I could have listened, met up with you, reassured you that you were not alone.

But I know, you had made your decision. And who am I to question it?

I’d love to know what it’s like where you are now. I think it’s probably peaceful and you’re calm, surrounded by love.

I talk to you a lot still, out loud when I’m alone. I hope you’re listening.

I love you, Adriana. My darling friend.

Sinéad