Submission 105

My baby brother,

Your extraordinary presence still haunts me nearly 2 years on. You were magic. It’s incredible (but not surprising) by how much you continue to inspire me, its bittersweet to think how much more you would have done if you had only chosen to stay.

I miss you. Every day. Every minute. I am so desperate to hold onto everything and anything about you. I try and remember how it felt to sit next to you, how your voice carried throughout the house, how you played the piano to reflect your mood of the day. There’s so much I painfully miss and carry with me.

I’m terrified a lot these days. I’m scared to loose anymore, I worry about mum. I’m not angry with you, but I wished we weren’t living in a world without you. And to be honest, I do question as to why you chose to leave so abruptly. Never did I think I would have to live in such pain and longing, and never did I think you would consider leaving.

I know you would never want to hurt us, I know this was never your intention. But I wish we could have one of our conversations or even a tight hug. I wish I didn’t become part of this shit club.

I love you.
Till we meet again.
Your sister.