Submission 112

Freds,

I used to accidentally roll two cigarettes, one for you, one for me. I would then often imagine you watching over me.

I think about everyone you love. I wonder what you would make of life now, how you would feel, what you would say. I dream about you all the time.

I catch myself wearing your clothes, spraying your perfume on them when I need to feel you close. I still scroll through videos and pictures, a thousand times over, wishing there were thousands more. I smile every time I get in an Uber and the driver says ‘for horse face’, picturing your face the first time you set it.

I imagine what would happen if I saw you again, in another life. The sensation of hugging you, squishing you, the pure joy of laughing with you, the sound of you saying my name.

I hope you are somewhere anxiety can’t reach you and the sun shines all the time. I hope you can watch over us until we meet again. I hope you know how much I love you. How much we all love you.

I will forever long for more of you, I miss you endlessly my bubs.

Your G x