Submission 191

Dear Dad

Losing you 4 days before Christmas completely turned my life upside down. Knowing that you called me and asked me a bunch of questions, and kept asking if I was okay… knowing now that you were trying to decide if I would survive…it’s a heart break that I’ll never get over. That was the last time I ever heard your voice. All of the what ifs that have come with your suicide are unbearable. What if I had called more, or if I could have forgiven you for my childhood and moved on, or if you thought about me while you sat in your car that day. If you knew how much your decision damaged me and changed me, would you have still done it? It’s been almost 3 years and I still cry myself to sleep often thinking about the what ifs.