Submission 214

To my sister,

I miss you. I'm still angry. Still confused. Still wondering if it is real. It's been 7 months since the phone call I replay in my head over and over to remind me it is real or sometimes when I want to feel the pain just so I can miss you. i'm angry that you left your kids behind, your parents and sisters behind leaving us all with this gaping hole in our hearts that feels impossible to heal. I'm angry you didn't say goodbye or give me the opportunity to tell you how amazing I thought you were or how much of an inspiration you were to me. I'm angry you you didn't make it my wedding or that you'll never meet the kids I might have. I hate how much I never missed you when you were here but now that feeling is suffocating.

You were so loved. So adored. SO inspiring. So kind. So full of life and one of the most intelligent people I ever met. You taught me so much about life and people. I'll forever be grateful for you. I was so proud to call you my sister. I would boast about you, your life, your kids and experiences we made together to anyone and everyone. You were sunshine in human form.

I miss you. Everyday. I think about you. Everyday. I love you with my whole heart.

I dont understand it all yet and I'm not rushing that process.