Submission 218

Hi Boy,

I miss you. I’m so angry with you. But I miss you. I think my anger bubbles up because it’s easier to feel than how much I love you.
God, I would have died to take away those feelings that let you reach where you did that night. I would have dove in front of a bus for you. I would have died in an instant for you. And yet here I am, abandoned by you. Hurting so badly.
I know you wouldn’t have thought of it. I know it would have been tunnel vision. But why. It’s silly to ask that but why Joe. You’ve left us so battered and broken. The grief is all consuming. You didn’t even give me the chance to try to make it better. You didn’t let me try.

My little brother. You should have stayed. You should be here with us. You shouldn’t be dead. Not in such a violent and frightening way. I just want to make it better and I can’t. Because you’re dead.

I love you. I hate you for how much I love you. I hate that I can’t have you. That we can’t have you. I wish you could have known how much this would have ruined everything.

I miss you boy. I love you. I’m sorry.