Submission 27

Dad,

There are literally no words to describe the intense pain you feel losing someone to suicide. It hurts just typing it. I never ever thought it would happen to me. And then boom at 20years old I lost my best friend.

I carry the sadness and pain with me everyday and in everything I do. I may not speak about my Dad everyday but the pain, the memories, and his spirit are there.

I never thought I’d be ok again. How is it even possible to live without a parent let alone your best friend.

I still cry 9 years on and on anniversaries I cry like it’s happening all over again. And that’s ok. I will never feel ashamed or bad for crying or feeling sad by it. It’s not normal he’s not here.

The only way I get through this is thinking that my Dad gave me 20 amazing years of bringing me up and teaching my things about life that I wasn’t about to waste that by shutting myself off for the rest of my life.

I will never be ashamed of how my Dad died, and I will always speak up for mental health. He fought right until the end but just wasn’t strong enough to make it. I love my Dad and I always will.