Submission 92

Adrian,

Just over a year since you left this earth. In truth you left us way before that but the real agony began then.

I don’t know how to even begin to forgive you for leaving them and I have no more words. You put our daughters fire out…she’s lost and in agony. You broke your son’s heart time and time again and then you smashed it to pieces.

I hope one day I access the good memories but for now they’re obliterated by the damage you have caused.

I genuinely hope you found peace but in doing so you brought a tornado into the lives of so many and I don’t think you would have wanted that.

The emotional tsunami of grief and the financial chaos and insecurity you plunged us into are beyond anything you could imagine (and I know you were past imagining).

The guilt I wrestle with daily for feeling so angry eats me from the inside as I try to rebuild our lives and my ability to trust and feel deserving of love.

You broke our hearts but not our spirit.

I’m grateful for all I have. God I wish you had been able to feel that too….

L