Submission 155

Mummy

I still go to call you to see how you are. I still walk into your house and expect you to be in the kitchen offering me a cup of tea. I still long for the calls to ask to have the children round for tea. I miss you more everyday and what I would give to hug you once again or hear your advice.

You left so suddenly without a goodbye. I feel guilty that I was away with the children. I feel bad that your life was taken from you due to such a fast bout of mental health problems or was it something you hid. Did you always have that niggling doubt or fear in your mind?
Either way we won't know.
Its the unknowns and unanswered questions i struggle with the most Mum!

I worry that I didn't ask you enough about life or that there are lessons you still had to teach me. I suppose the biggest lesson I have learn't from your passing is the importance of making sure my mental health is looked after and my childrens.

I want to thank you Mum for what you taught me through my life especially in the last few years. You was a shining ray of hope for so many people and supported so many people. I know my Mum would never do this to us! (Mental health Did this!)
I don't blame you Mum.
I forgive you Mum and I promise soon I will be strong enough to get help and say the words that my Mum died from suicide but until then I will keep working on my healing and taking baby steps in the right direction.

Thank you for being my Mum. J X