Submission 18

To you Mum,

I'm not even sure what to say, I was never good with words, but you knew that. I didn't need to speak for you to know if I was OK or not. You just knew. I miss that.

Ironically here I am tonight whilst I write this letter that the inevitable happened. The day you took your life.
It took me a while to speak about what happened and I still struggle to talk about it now. I just know that if I had 3 wishes my questions would be answered and maybe I'd feel at peace, but who knows.

I have so many unspoken words and as I write this letter I can't put down in words what I want to say.

Why did you do it? Its always going to be at the top of my list.

Eira your first born granddaughter, whom you never got to meet always talks about her nanny Karen and your memory will forever be talked about with her. You'd had loved Robynne my step daughter and she would of loved you too! Not so sure about Kyle, you would of loved each other but I know you would of definitely clashed haha.

I miss the 100s of phone calls a day just to talk to me, I miss how much of a clean freak you were and everything had its specific place, I miss those good morning and good night texts and I especially miss seeing you in your office 'kitchen table' with a cigarette in 1 hand and a coffee in the other.

So to end my letter to you mum, thank you... thank you for trying your very best to give me the support and opportunities to have the best life. The demons in your head got you in the end but those times we had at your best were the BEST, you were the BEST and I miss you every day.

I know you’re at peace and thats what give me the peace I need to carry on without you.

There so many more words I could say but for now mum fly higher than ever.