Submission 181

Dear husband

We miss you so much, I keep pretending you are just away with work. But deep down I know you aren’t. I have to keep explaining to our child why you aren’t here. He’s 3 and I know I can’t tell him everything but I also don’t want to lie. We miss you so much. He has now missed you longer than you were alive. He always asks about his daddy. It doesn’t get easier to explain to him.

We see you with all the butterflies that come around. Things happen and I wish you were here to talk to.

Despite what happened I love you so much and I never wanted this.

I want to pretend this was all some bad dream. I am full of emotions and here we are 3 years later and no closer to processing it all. I wish you chose to stay. I’m angry but underneath that I’m just so sad and heartbroken. I wish you had stayed. Our son has turned into such an amazing human. I know you are watching over us. I wish you could fully know each other. We love you so much and we never stop thinking of you.

Love you 3000 as always- that will never ever change xxx