Submission 20

To my brother,

It’s been so hard to get to a place of acceptance. Accepting that I nor anyone else could have prevented your death. No one saw it coming. There was no obvious signs. You knew you were loved. You were making plans for the future. You knew you would have support if you told us something was wrong. Yet with all that, you made a decision that nine years later still rocks our family. I grieve your loss. I struggle with the trauma of your death. But I understand that it was your choice in that moment and nothing I or anyone else could have done to change it.

Life has moved on. I find it hard that you never saw me become a mother or got to be an uncle to your nieces and nephew. I am thankful they know your face from pictures and often mention you. I miss you at every family event and know how much our lives would be different if you were still here.

But again, I’ve accepted it or found acceptance in a way that I can still miss you, be angry with you but will always love you. I miss you big brother.