To my oldest friend,

It is so hard to put into words all the feelings I have. I just want you to know that it doesn't matter how many years have past, I still think about you any time something good happens in any of our lives, there is a gaping hole where you would be to celebrate all the engagements and promotions (not mine lol). I also think about you everytime something bad or stupid happens.

Dear my wee Scottish pal,

It’s been 2 tarts since you’ve gone and it only feel like yesterday that I got the call, I can still hear the screams in my mum and dad’s kitchen when I close my eyes as that’s where I was when I found out, I miss you mate, it was never meant to end like this

My Bestie,

From the moment you said hi to me on that first day of school, I knew we were going to have something great. I wasn't wrong, either. We were stuck together like glue. Through school, university, studying abroad, jobs, moving homes, falling in and out of love; you and me were a constant.

Dear Joel,

Today would be your 25th Birthday, it’s also marks 5 years since we lost you.

I’ve come to the tough realisation that I have now officially lived without you as long as I lived with you. We became friends at 15, lost you at 20 and now I’m 25. And that is a pretty bitter pill to swallow.

Hey Little Ox,

It's been a year since you decided to end your pain by ending your life...even though so many times you swore to me that you would only ever die by the hand of your god...I have to appreciate that you changed your mind...SO much going on for you, that fucking eating disorder and that cunt that was bullying you for being gay, fuck that ....for being you.

I'm angry yes....but also full of love, love for you and for our friendship and your friendship with Rich....I miss you making me laugh, making everyone laugh and generally being fucking awesome.

To Matt,

Quite simply I miss you. Our chats. The laughs. I would give anything for that last hug again.

I didn't know. I never guessed. The pain was physical when I heard the news but obviously nothing like the pain you felt being on this earth. I am so sorry that you felt that this was the only way.

J & A,

J, I can never describe the pain I felt the day you left us. You were kind and funny and beautiful and you had the most infectious laugh. If only you could have felt the love that was all around for you, maybe things would have been different, maybe you'd have made a different choice that night.

A, you couldn't fight your demons anymore and I understand that. Addiction is hard and it is an illness. I don't think you even knew there was a problem til it hit you all at once. We are islands in the stream.

I love you both and will remember you forever. I hope beyond hope that some day, something will change and there will be less stigma and more support for those suffering and those in crisis.

Dear R,

I wish that you could have seen how important you were, how vital, how full of life, how generous, how caring, how beautiful, how loved. I wish that I had read between the lines of your last message to me and questioned some of the words.

Dear Simon,

Even though it has been nearly 10 years since your passing away, we would like to reassure you that you are still such an important part of our lives.

A week does not pass when we don’t speak about you  - ‘how much you would love Mia our new dog’, “do you remember coming here with Simon”, “Why do we have all these toolsets Simon gave us, especially as we are hopeless at DIY”.

To my best friend Aimee,

Words can't describe the loss I feel now you're not here. I keep typing and deleting what I want to say, but overall, I just want to say that I miss you.

Love Ashley x

Dear E,

I shouted at you a lot yesterday and I'm sorry.

We were driving over a bridge, it had fresh flowers and Samaritans phone numbers on. My stomach just dropped through the floor of the car and I was crying because people had lost "their" E.

And then I was just so angry at you because I don't want to know what it feels like for them to lose their E.

Equally I don't want them to now be going through all the same horrific days I am, because I lost my E.

Dear E,

I was laying on the sofa and watching TV
That’s when she messaged me.

To tell me you're gone
I didn't believe her, she had to be wrong.

Dear E,

If I could talk to you one last timeI'd say things from this silly little rhyme.

Dear Adriana,

I know keeping you here would have been selfish of me. While of course the trauma of losing you is still raw, I really respect your decision to end it. I know you had lived a lot of trauma yourself over the years and living with bipolar challenged you in ways I can’t even imagine.