Dear M,

I didn't know how intensively I could love a friend until you left. You broke my heart in a way that nobody else did. I know you didn't mean it and I know how much you cared about me.

To my beautiful friend

It has been so long since we last talked. It has been 1095 days since you moved to a better place. I hope you are doing well; I hope you're okay. Life feels so strange. I feel like I don't belong here, I belong where you are.

My Wooage

This is a difficult one to write because despite loving you so much and being my oldest, longest friend- we weren’t in contact when you left us. I worry that you wouldn't want to hear from me, because there was so much pain involved. We went from playing in the same boxes at 18 months old, to hedonistic nights out as teenagers and rambling walks and deep conversation in our late 20s. Then we walked away from each other, through circumstances outside of our control. I never thought we wouldn’t be in each others lives. I always thought we’d figure it out after a break. It wasn’t our fault.

To my friends

I hope that if you start thinking about taking your own life, that you become aware of the people that would miss you. Someone that smiles quietly inside because they see you walk by, someone that likes the sound of your voice or quietly sitting next to you. Someone that notices and likes your style of fashion and is inspired. And I hope you'd see that this someone, these people, might struggle to carry on knowing that you could not. I hope that if you ever start thinking about taking your own life, that life finds it's way back to you. That you know that taking your life is not the only way out of pain and suffering. I hope that you find support and guidance that truly helps you, nurtures you, comforts you.

Dear you,

You know it doesn’t get any easier, minutes, hours and months pass but I think about you every day. Does it feel real? Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. I crave the sound of your laugh, the times we’d spend silent but in one another’s company and your infectious smile.

Dear Ali

During my darkest days you were a bright light despite how much you were struggling too.

To my oldest friend,

It is so hard to put into words all the feelings I have. I just want you to know that it doesn't matter how many years have past, I still think about you any time something good happens in any of our lives, there is a gaping hole where you would be to celebrate all the engagements and promotions (not mine lol). I also think about you everytime something bad or stupid happens.

Dear my wee Scottish pal,

It’s been 2 tarts since you’ve gone and it only feel like yesterday that I got the call, I can still hear the screams in my mum and dad’s kitchen when I close my eyes as that’s where I was when I found out, I miss you mate, it was never meant to end like this

My Bestie,

From the moment you said hi to me on that first day of school, I knew we were going to have something great. I wasn't wrong, either. We were stuck together like glue. Through school, university, studying abroad, jobs, moving homes, falling in and out of love; you and me were a constant.

Dear Joel,

Today would be your 25th Birthday, it’s also marks 5 years since we lost you.

I’ve come to the tough realisation that I have now officially lived without you as long as I lived with you. We became friends at 15, lost you at 20 and now I’m 25. And that is a pretty bitter pill to swallow.

Hey Little Ox,

It's been a year since you decided to end your pain by ending your life...even though so many times you swore to me that you would only ever die by the hand of your god...I have to appreciate that you changed your mind...SO much going on for you, that fucking eating disorder and that cunt that was bullying you for being gay, fuck that ....for being you.

I'm angry yes....but also full of love, love for you and for our friendship and your friendship with Rich....I miss you making me laugh, making everyone laugh and generally being fucking awesome.

To Matt,

Quite simply I miss you. Our chats. The laughs. I would give anything for that last hug again.

I didn't know. I never guessed. The pain was physical when I heard the news but obviously nothing like the pain you felt being on this earth. I am so sorry that you felt that this was the only way.

J & A,

J, I can never describe the pain I felt the day you left us. You were kind and funny and beautiful and you had the most infectious laugh. If only you could have felt the love that was all around for you, maybe things would have been different, maybe you'd have made a different choice that night.

A, you couldn't fight your demons anymore and I understand that. Addiction is hard and it is an illness. I don't think you even knew there was a problem til it hit you all at once. We are islands in the stream.

I love you both and will remember you forever. I hope beyond hope that some day, something will change and there will be less stigma and more support for those suffering and those in crisis.

Dear R,

I wish that you could have seen how important you were, how vital, how full of life, how generous, how caring, how beautiful, how loved. I wish that I had read between the lines of your last message to me and questioned some of the words.

Dear Simon,

Even though it has been nearly 10 years since your passing away, we would like to reassure you that you are still such an important part of our lives.

A week does not pass when we don’t speak about you  - ‘how much you would love Mia our new dog’, “do you remember coming here with Simon”, “Why do we have all these toolsets Simon gave us, especially as we are hopeless at DIY”.