Submission 163
To my most precious Dad
How strange it feels to write that after all this time, that makes me ache. It has been 16 years, almost to the day, since you left. I used to write you letters constantly after you died, did you ever read them?
Submission 162
Dear Imran
The day we lost you I remember letting you sleep in!! That's what I thought until I realised what had happened. I miss you so much my heart aches for you. I remember smelling your clothes as I wanted to keep the smell of you with me forever.
Submission 161
Dear you,
You know it doesn’t get any easier, minutes, hours and months pass but I think about you every day. Does it feel real? Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. I crave the sound of your laugh, the times we’d spend silent but in one another’s company and your infectious smile.
Submission 160
Hey Caroline…
Just me again, writing another one of my letters to you. It’s now been three years since you left. Just saying out loud - "three years" - doesn’t compute properly in my head. Three years is, after all, a long time - and it’s supposed to feel as such. But the nature of loss distorts our perception of time. Where once three years would feature many adventures - all of which would be documented into the mind in the vivid colour of the variety of emotions felt within that time - grief has a habit of homogenising our emotions, for the most dominent in any given situation is that of yearning for you to be present.
Submission 159
Dear Shane,
Dear Shane, your mam (my sister) was pregnant with you at the same time I was pregnant with my son, there were just a few months between you and growing up you were more like brothers than cousins. As you got older you went your separate ways but just picked it up again when you met up. Shane you were always the loud one, the lads lad, always laughing and lit up the room, I had such a soft spot for you.
Submission 158
Dear Dad,
It has taken me a while to conjure up the courage to write this letter. There is not a day that I don't think about you, and I speak to you in my head each and every day. I want you to know that I'm not angry nor have I been since you left us. All I have felt is incredible sadness. For what you must have been feeling. For what could have been, and for all the moments you are missing. I am sad about the time wasted and the moments I could have been softer with you. I feel heartbroken that you aren't here to experience life when you were so full of life until it all got hard. I don't know if there is anything I could have done to change your mind, but I wish I could have been there to hold your hand. I wish I could have better noticed the signs and supported you.
Submission 157
C,
I miss you. So many people miss you. Life has been less than since you left. Everyday is less fun, less joyous, less happy, less sunshine, less beautiful. It's hard to make sense of the fact you don't know any of what happened in the last 3 years. How do you simply not exist anymore?
Submission 156
Dear Iz
I’m sorry I haven’t written more. It’s been a while—and the honest truth is that I’ve been putting it off.
It’s not that I don’t want to think about you and what has happened to our family, but I know that you would want me to enjoy this time—enjoy getting engaged and planning a wedding. I’ve let the excitement sweep me up and take me along for a ride, but it’s bittersweet. This big ‘life moment’ and everything that is coming with it has only made it more real that you’re not with us anymore. I think about you all the time, and I miss you so much.
Submission 155
Mummy
I still go to call you to see how you are. I still walk into your house and expect you to be in the kitchen offering me a cup of tea. I still long for the calls to ask to have the children round for tea. I miss you more everyday and what I would give to hug you once again or hear your advice.
Submission 154
Dearest Tommy
I look for you everyday. In every bird I see. In every phase of the moon that passes. I wait for a sign from you. For your voice to ring in my ear. For you to walk through my door. The world seems to be moving but I am stationary. I hear laughter around me but I scream silently in my head. Will I ever be happy again? I miss you with every fibre of my being. I love you unconditionally.
How can you be gone? I move through life only to see you again. The day you left me was the day my heart slowed down and changed to a whimper. I am still here but I am a shadow of myself. Your nephew recognises pictures of you and cuddles them. He has started walking now and chats so much. He is the very image of you.
Submission 153
Darling boy
It’s been four months and eight days since that summers day in August when you left us behind.
The days don’t get easier I wish I could say they did but they don’t well at least not for me.
Submission 152
Dear Dad,
I will never understand why you decided to leave me here alone, just 5 days away from Christmas.
Submission 151
Dear My Brother Stephen
NO MATTER WHAT IL ALWAYS BE STOOD WITH YOU.THERE WHERE SO MANY THINGS I WANTED TO SAY TO YOU. YOU TRIED TO THRIVE AND IN THE END YOU JUST COULDN’T SURVIVE.
Submission 150
Dear Ali
During my darkest days you were a bright light despite how much you were struggling too.
Submission 149
Dear Dad
I lost you when I was too young to comprehend why you were gone. A seven year old girl had to grow up too fast and knew too much darkness way too young. The word suicide shouldn’t have meant anything to me, but it meant everything.
Submission 148
To my sweet brother
It has only been two months. Two months since our family lost your sweet soul. There are so many things I regret. I regret not asking you how you were doing everyday, ignoring some texts, and most of all I regret not seeing what you were going through. You were always smiling.
Submission 147
To my oldest friend,
It is so hard to put into words all the feelings I have. I just want you to know that it doesn't matter how many years have past, I still think about you any time something good happens in any of our lives, there is a gaping hole where you would be to celebrate all the engagements and promotions (not mine lol). I also think about you everytime something bad or stupid happens.
Submission 146
Dear Mom
I want you to know that I’m not angry, nor have I ever been with you since you left. All I felt was great sadness. Sadness for what you must have been feeling, for feeling so alone and for being alone in what must have been one of the hardest and darkest of moments. I don’t know if anything we could have said or done would have changed your mind, but I wish I could have been there to hold your hand through it.
I wish I could have seen the signs.
Submission 145
Dear Andrew
There isn't a day that goes by when I do not think of you.I try and think about the good times and how we laughed, the mischief we made, but I am sorry to say that I am still consumed with anger. You have changed mine, my mum and dad's and my husband's lives for ever in so many different and diverse ways.
Submission 144
To My Darling Boy
Your death has no explanation, all I know for sure is that I will never see your beautiful blue eyes, feel your huge hugs or hear your voice again.