Submission 61
To my beautiful Elizabeth,
I miss you so much. More than I can begin to say.I am so sorry you couldn't come to me and talk, but I see that you didn't want to.
Submission 60
Hey Little Ox,
It's been a year since you decided to end your pain by ending your life...even though so many times you swore to me that you would only ever die by the hand of your god...I have to appreciate that you changed your mind...SO much going on for you, that fucking eating disorder and that cunt that was bullying you for being gay, fuck that ....for being you.
I'm angry yes....but also full of love, love for you and for our friendship and your friendship with Rich....I miss you making me laugh, making everyone laugh and generally being fucking awesome.
Submission 59
Dear Russ,
Today would be your 50th birthday and its such a bloody shame we are not sharing a pint and reminiscing about the old days of Park Drive, South Newbarns, 6th form, the Berry and all the rest of the great times we had.
Submission 58
To Matt,
Quite simply I miss you. Our chats. The laughs. I would give anything for that last hug again.
I didn't know. I never guessed. The pain was physical when I heard the news but obviously nothing like the pain you felt being on this earth. I am so sorry that you felt that this was the only way.
Submission 57
J & A,
J, I can never describe the pain I felt the day you left us. You were kind and funny and beautiful and you had the most infectious laugh. If only you could have felt the love that was all around for you, maybe things would have been different, maybe you'd have made a different choice that night.
A, you couldn't fight your demons anymore and I understand that. Addiction is hard and it is an illness. I don't think you even knew there was a problem til it hit you all at once. We are islands in the stream.
I love you both and will remember you forever. I hope beyond hope that some day, something will change and there will be less stigma and more support for those suffering and those in crisis.
Submission 56
Dearest David,
It’s over forty years now since you died. You’re forever not quite twenty one years old, forever missed like a hole that’s never mended.
I bear the scars of your loss daily and it was so hard to get through and support our parents after you died. For them they could never admit you chose to take your life, for me it was important to acknowledge it.
Submission 55
Sis,
The day I lost you was the day my life changed forever. I never knew you was in this much pain, and I’m so upset that you never told me, and angry at myself for not realising.
Submission 54
Dad,
Firstly, I miss you each and everyday.
I hate the fact you have missed out on seeing me get married, get divorced and have 2 beautiful girls. We talk about you everyday - even though you never met them.
I talk as if you were here, Grandad would have loved this, Grandad would be so proud of you. I am sad for my children, who have missed out on a grandparent.
Submission 52
Dear Johan,
We met when we were 10, we were almost the exact same age with only 20 days between us. We didn't 'take' to one another right away but over time, we grew close. We spent an intense few weeks together before you joined the South African army at the age of 17 to serve in Angola - a horrible war. We agreed to write to one another and we did - regularly.
Submission 51
My darling,
I wished you had known how much we all loved you and needed you in our lives. I miss you every single day. I never realised how much you were hurting, you always liked to make everyone laugh and were so full of fun... looking back now I can see the signs and it breaks my heart I didn’t see them back then. We could have worked it all out if only you had stayed.
You’ve missed so much Martin I just hope you can see us and know we love and miss you and they ways we keep your memory alive.
Submission 50
Dear Hana,
Mommy misses you so much. I love you so much. I haven’t been able to write to you before this, because it’s too hard. My body aches and my heart hurts every day without you on this earth.
Submission 49
Mike,
You were always a bundle of energy and enthusiasm and some one people longed to be around. We are sad you are no longer in our lives but sadder you felt you had to go.
Submission 47
Dear J,
Half a lifetime has passed since you left us. Our memories of you have not diminished, rather they seem more vivid than ever. They are the invisible touchstone of our lives without you.
I think of all that you were, all that you gave and all that you left behind. It's still hard to recall the laughter we lost, the embraces we long for and the bright bright smile we can only now imagine.
Your suicide cast me adrift. Over time a new north emerged and I was able to plot a new course. More by trial and error than judgement dear J. You are never lost to us though.
Submission 46
Mum,
Today's my baby girl's 13th birthday. I can remember back to the week she was born so clearly. I think you might have waited and wished for her even more than I did. You were so proud and excited... We spent so much time with you in those early years. Some say we almost lived in each others pockets. Maybe that's true. But you were my friend as well as my mum and her grandmother.
We loved spending time with you.I wish you hadn't moved away...I wish you hadn't moved back...I wish you hadn't spent so much time thinking back to the past and what might have been.
Submission 45
Dear Yvonne,
You'll never know how much I miss you. How much it hurts knowing that you couldn't cope and had to leave us. Every day is a struggle now, perhaps that was your "every day".
Submission 44
Dear Ross,
It’s impossible to describe how much I miss you.
I’m so, so sorry I wasn’t there with you at the end. There’s so much I would like to say but I hope that though you are no longer here that somehow you will know how much you were loved and are still loved.
With all my heart I hope you found peace. We are trying to do as you asked campaigning for improvements in mental health services. Only now do I fully appreciate how much those improvements are needed.
Submission 43
Dear R,
I wish that you could have seen how important you were, how vital, how full of life, how generous, how caring, how beautiful, how loved. I wish that I had read between the lines of your last message to me and questioned some of the words.
Submission 42
Father,
Something I have never ever healed from and probably never ever will. I have spent years keeping these emotions in, it hasn’t been til this year I’ve felt ready to accept and come to terms with everything.
Submission 41
Dad,
I have so much that I want to say to you. I’ll start with the easy one, I never actually became the next Alan Shearer, like was our plan, although I still pretend most days (in the mirror), and there still sits somewhere inside of me the belief that I still can be him.
Anyway, the difficult part. Over the last 15 years I have found so many ways to try and cope with the fact you’re not here. For the first 10 years I pretended that it didn’t happen at all. I never said your name. I never talked about our family. I blocked out every thought possible. I certainly never spoke about how you died.
Submission 40
Sister,
So hear goes…… i’m not sure i’ve ever put it down on paper but i think it may be quite therapeutic. I’ve gone over what happened in my head so many time and spoken it aloud but always feel as though i’m either burdening somebody who is hurting as much as i am or somebody who quite frankly cannot relate and is not really interested in the details.