Submission 39
Dear Jordan,
As I write this letter to you son, it’s been 30 months since that fateful day. I remember the call I received from Charlotte as if it was yesterday. I also often think of those moments when she came home to find you and how with the assistance of Jan and Simon your neighbours they tried desperately to save you, probably knowing it was already too late.
The weeks and months of trauma which followed have become vaguer memories for me now and replaced by a general sadness whenever I think of you, which is every quiet moment of every day.
Submission 38
Bro,
What can I say I know you must have been hurting to do such a thing, however the pain a misery you caused has been unbearable to our parents.I have long been angry at you for this and it has had a detrimental effect on my own life. One of my regrets is that we spent so much of our youth fighting and arguing making our mums life so hard. And just as we had both turned a corner and grown up you decided it was time to go.
Submission 37
Daniel,
I will never understand why everything I did to help you wasn't enough to keep you here. I am sorry you had to battle mental illness. It is not fair for you and others that have to deal with your thoughts every day. I hate mental illness. You grow up happy with goals and dreams, then BAM! Mental illness enters your world and all of those go out the window.
Submission 36
Mum,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we never got to laugh and cry together. I’m sorry that you couldn’t tell me off when I didn’t brush my teeth. I’m sorry that you couldn’t tidy my hair, kiss me goodnight, and wish me good luck.
Submission 35
Dear Mum,
It took me a long time to start this. You left a little over five years ago now, but you were with me for almost 27 years.
In all that time you loved me so utterly and completely, with every bone of your being, you told me every day I could be anything I wanted and meant it. You battled so much in your life, and yet most people just knew you as someone who cared, someone who brought light and life into the world.
It is such a shame, but perhaps often true, that it is only after people die that we come to truly understand what it might have been like to be them. When you got ill, I did my very best to understand what it might be like to feel the pain you did, but of course I never could have known truly.
Submission 34
Dear Dad,
I've often tried to find the words I'd say to you if I had the opportunity to do so, Dad. If I could spend just one more minute with you. The reality is, I probably wouldn't say anything. Instead, I'd smile, hug you tight and thank you for being my Dad.
Submission 33
Dear Vicky,
It’s been a while. I still run. My “daddys hands” have found children to hold. I’ve grown a beard again. And I think of you still.
Madrid. Paris. New York. St Ann’s Hospital. Seven years. Shared memories, good and bad. None of this was your fault.
Submission 32
Mum,
If I could tell you anything
If I could tell you anything I would tell you how much I loved your kung pow chicken recipe,
That I loved your lack of speed in articulate despite a timer and shouting team mates,
I loved how much pride you took in your garden.
I loved that you put notes in my lunch box when I was in primary school (much to my utter embarrassment at the time).
Submission 31
Mama,
It’s been 1 year- 4 seasons, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes, 31536000 seconds- since my world shattered. The words “your mom killed herself” forever ring in my ears and shattered my heart.
I struggle with figuring out my emotions surrounding your suicide.
On one hand, I totally fucking get it. I understand wanting so badly to be dead, wanting so badly for everything to end. I understand that life can be a terrible experience. In fact, I’m happy that you’re no longer hurting and suffering from unbearable pain.
But on the other hand, I don’t get it.
Submission 30
Ben,
485 days ago you left us. I never understood what people meant by the five stages of grief until you passed. I've been through all the stages but i don't think i've quite made it to stage five just yet. 'Acceptance'.
Submission 29
My beautiful best pal,
You're missed every single day. The world, my world, isn't the same without you in it. It's been almost 2 years and I don't think I've really accepted that you're gone, in fact it's easier to believe that I made you up and you didn't exist in the first place.
Submission 28
My big brother,
I love you.
I always have. I always will. I’m so sorry if you didn’t know that. You wanted love and I had it in spades for you. I always will.
Submission 27
Dad,
There are literally no words to describe the intense pain you feel losing someone to suicide. It hurts just typing it. I never ever thought it would happen to me. And then boom at 20years old I lost my best friend.
I carry the sadness and pain with me everyday and in everything I do. I may not speak about my Dad everyday but the pain, the memories, and his spirit are there.
Submission 26
Dear Brother,
I feel sad and angry you're not here to support me right now. It's not fair that I have to do this on my own. You could have been so helpful in times like this and I understand why it was so hard for you to stay. I don't blame you for why you left. I don't know everything, but I do know you did your best with what you had and what you didn't have.
Submission 25
To my Husband,
If I could just have our last moments together I'd change them and I'd tell you how much I love you, how much it would hurt if you left me but unfortunately that wasn't our destiny… we hadn't spoken for a few weeks until that night you messaged me and told me you loved me and our daughter, I didn't reply because I was so mad with you, if only I knew that that's the last text I'd ever receive from you. Id of messaged you back…
Submission 24
Dear Simon,
Even though it has been nearly 10 years since your passing away, we would like to reassure you that you are still such an important part of our lives.
A week does not pass when we don’t speak about you - ‘how much you would love Mia our new dog’, “do you remember coming here with Simon”, “Why do we have all these toolsets Simon gave us, especially as we are hopeless at DIY”.
Submission 23
To my best friend Aimee,
Words can't describe the loss I feel now you're not here. I keep typing and deleting what I want to say, but overall, I just want to say that I miss you.
Love Ashley x
Submission 22
To my darling daughter, my beautiful daughter Kiera,
I sit with my hands on the laptop, the one you bought me. Not sure where to start. I always knew I loved you, adored you. But your absence for the past 15 months has made me realise a lot of things about you, that in the fog that was our world back then, I didn't see so clearly.
Submission 21
Shane,
I am writing this letter because I feel it is time to share with you and others all the questions and emotions that for such a long time I was searching for and felt were always unanswered.
By unapologetically letting my pen be my honesty and the paper my vulnerability, I hope to try and understand how a single three letter word can still hold so much power over me, which is "WHY"?
Submission 20
To my brother,
It’s been so hard to get to a place of acceptance. Accepting that I nor anyone else could have prevented your death. No one saw it coming. There was no obvious signs. You knew you were loved. You were making plans for the future. You knew you would have support if you told us something was wrong.
Yet with all that, you made a decision that nine years later still rocks our family. I grieve your loss. I struggle with the trauma of your death. But I understand that it was your choice in that moment and nothing I or anyone else could have done to change it.