To my darling Paul,

I miss you in ways even words cannot understand.

Always and forever
Your Dawn
xxx<3xxx

Dear S,

Next Sunday would have been our 6th wedding anniversary. It's strange to think back on our story now - things happened in such a whirlwind at the start, and now I've been grieving you for longer than we had been married.

To my Matt

It’s been just over a year since you left us. The pain of losing you is still so raw. I loved you so much and would have done anything to help you, if only you had been able to tell me how you were feeling.

I had no idea, there were no signs that anything was wrong. We were so happy, planning to move away and have a better future. I am so sad for you and also angry that you have taken that future away from me and from yourself.

Dear G,

I can't believe the 2-year mark is just days away now; I can still remember the day my life as I knew it changed like it was yesterday but also so much has happened since then; I was in a car crash and my car was written off, I've adopted a puppy (you'd laugh but you'd also love him) and Rob got married (you'd have been so proud).

Dear husband

We miss you so much, I keep pretending you are just away with work. But deep down I know you aren’t. I have to keep explaining to our child why you aren’t here. He’s 3 and I know I can’t tell him everything but I also don’t want to lie. We miss you so much. He has now missed you longer than you were alive. He always asks about his daddy. It doesn’t get easier to explain to him. We see you with all the butterflies that come around. Things happen and I wish you were here to talk to. Despite what happened I love you so much and I never wanted this.

Dear Sean

There are no words that could have described the absolute pain and heartbreak I felt when you left this world. I felt a physical pain in my chest, my world was shattered.

To Ben

Dearest Ben I have so many things to tell you , I have so many questions. Why would you leave? You were hurt in so many ways and and felt pain that no one should feel. I wish I knew and I could do something. I still feel you in my heart though I know that you’re gone but those feelings will never change and this pain will never heal.

To my darling dearest,

You left so suddenly, without a goodbye. There's so many things I still wanted to tell you, so many things I still wanted to do with you, so many years of life I still wanted to share with you.

Just 3 days before you left this world we started looking at where to get married, with the way we were talking and our excitement I'd say we'd be married by now if you were still here. We had our jokey engagement which I'm pretty sure would've ended up being the real thing. I didn't care how we did it, the engagement, marriage, any of it.

To my boyfriend,

It’s almost 3 and a half years since you left.You were 19. We had known each other since we were both 11 years old. I had no idea of the pain you were carrying but you knew about mine.

To my Luke,

Its been over two years but my heart aches the same. I keep looking for answers and can never seem to find them, I can only hope that you are at peace. I wish that one day I learn to understand why you did this but for now I take comfort in thinking you just fell asleep. I hope you are at peace, I hope heaven is everything you ever dreamed off.

I have so much to tell you, I wish I could just have one last conversation. I had a baby, she is amazing I’m convinced you sent her to me, she is everything I ever dreamed off and she has saved me from letting the grief take over. I have a new house and a new job, I’m really trying to turn everything around.

Dearest husband,

I still can't believe you're gone, its been nearly 3 years. You suffered so much during our 17yrs together, but I never thought we'd lose you to suicide.

Freds,

I used to accidentally roll two cigarettes, one for you, one for me. I would then often imagine you watching over me.

Dear Brian,

It will be one year since you went home to Heaven on that beautiful October day, a day you were done fighting your hardest battle, your mental health. One year.

To my husband,

Almost 4 years on my heart still aches from losing you.

Adrian,

Just over a year since you left this earth. In truth you left us way before that but the real agony began then.I don’t know how to even begin to forgive you for leaving them and I have no more words.

Dear Moo,

If only you knew how much you were loved! If only you knew how much you would be missed!

To my darling Jack,

I miss you so much. Every second of every day despite it being 931 days since you left us all. I was so angry at first, I thought how could you do this and plunge everyone who loved and knew you into such heartache.

To my darling Mike,

I think every day about what I would say if I could speak to you one last time. The truth is there really is so much to tell you.

Tom,

God, I miss you. I miss you every second of every day.People ask the question, is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all….

To my hero, Ewee,

You came into my life 25 years ago at a time when I was very unwell and you were recovering from your own ill health. We fell in love and married 5 years later, 2nd time around for us both. You were everything to me - you were my strength and shield, encouraging me, supporting me; you enabled me to be the me I wanted to be again.

My darling,

I wished you had known how much we all loved you and needed you in our lives. I miss you every single day. I never realised how much you were hurting, you always liked to make everyone laugh and were so full of fun... looking back now I can see the signs and it breaks my heart I didn’t see them back then. We could have worked it all out if only you had stayed.

You’ve missed so much Martin I just hope you can see us and know we love and miss you and they ways we keep your memory alive.

Dear J,

Half a lifetime has passed since you left us. Our memories of you have not diminished, rather they seem more vivid than ever. They are the invisible touchstone of our lives without you.

I think of all that you were, all that you gave and all that you left behind. It's still hard to recall the laughter we lost, the embraces we long for and the bright bright smile we can only now imagine.

Your suicide cast me adrift. Over time a new north emerged and I was able to plot a new course. More by trial and error than judgement dear J. You are never lost to us though.

Dear Vicky,

It’s been a while. I still run. My “daddys hands” have found children to hold. I’ve grown a beard again. And I think of you still.

Madrid. Paris. New York. St Ann’s Hospital. Seven years. Shared memories, good and bad. None of this was your fault.

My beautiful best pal,

You're missed every single day. The world, my world, isn't the same without you in it. It's been almost 2 years and I don't think I've really accepted that you're gone, in fact it's easier to believe that I made you up and you didn't exist in the first place.

To my Husband,

If I could just have our last moments together I'd change them and I'd tell you how much I love you, how much it would hurt if you left me but unfortunately that wasn't our destiny… we hadn't spoken for a few weeks until that night you messaged me and told me you loved me and our daughter, I didn't reply because I was so mad with you, if only I knew that that's the last text I'd ever receive from you. Id of messaged you back…

My Husband,

I cannot get the image out of my head and I can’t stop thinking he is angry with me.

Most of our 31yr marriage he struggled with mental health and I definitely believe that this was not dealt with properly whilst we lived in Devon so after that he refused to go back to see a GP.