Submission 23
To my best friend Aimee,
Words can't describe the loss I feel now you're not here. I keep typing and deleting what I want to say, but overall, I just want to say that I miss you.
Love Ashley x
Submission 22
To my darling daughter, my beautiful daughter Kiera,
I sit with my hands on the laptop, the one you bought me. Not sure where to start. I always knew I loved you, adored you. But your absence for the past 15 months has made me realise a lot of things about you, that in the fog that was our world back then, I didn't see so clearly.
Submission 21
Shane,
I am writing this letter because I feel it is time to share with you and others all the questions and emotions that for such a long time I was searching for and felt were always unanswered.
By unapologetically letting my pen be my honesty and the paper my vulnerability, I hope to try and understand how a single three letter word can still hold so much power over me, which is "WHY"?
Submission 20
To my brother,
It’s been so hard to get to a place of acceptance. Accepting that I nor anyone else could have prevented your death. No one saw it coming. There was no obvious signs. You knew you were loved. You were making plans for the future. You knew you would have support if you told us something was wrong.
Yet with all that, you made a decision that nine years later still rocks our family. I grieve your loss. I struggle with the trauma of your death. But I understand that it was your choice in that moment and nothing I or anyone else could have done to change it.
Submission 19
My Husband,
I cannot get the image out of my head and I can’t stop thinking he is angry with me.
Most of our 31yr marriage he struggled with mental health and I definitely believe that this was not dealt with properly whilst we lived in Devon so after that he refused to go back to see a GP.
Submission 18
To you Mum,
I'm not even sure what to say, I was never good with words, but you knew that. I didn't need to speak for you to know if I was OK or not. You just knew. I miss that.
Submission 17
Dear Jack,
The day you decided to gain your Angel wings was the day my world as I knew it ended, my heart hasn’t beaten the same since nor will it ever again. You were and will always be my first true love, my first born too excited to wait, you came 5 weeks early just in time for Christmas.
Submission 16
Dear E,
I shouted at you a lot yesterday and I'm sorry.
We were driving over a bridge, it had fresh flowers and Samaritans phone numbers on. My stomach just dropped through the floor of the car and I was crying because people had lost "their" E.
And then I was just so angry at you because I don't want to know what it feels like for them to lose their E.
Equally I don't want them to now be going through all the same horrific days I am, because I lost my E.
Submission 15
My Son,
I lost my youngest son to suicide, 27th August 2016. When the country was celebrating August Bank Holiday we as a family were grieving the death of my son. He had just turned 30yrs old, July 27th 2016.
Submission 14
Dear E,
I was laying on the sofa and watching TV
That’s when she messaged me.
To tell me you're gone
I didn't believe her, she had to be wrong.
Submission 13
Dear E,
If I could talk to you one last timeI'd say things from this silly little rhyme.
Submission 12
My dearest darling son Cal,
My heart is aching and hurting I miss you so much, life will just never be right. I miss everything about you, your scent, touch, hugs, kindness, support, kind blue eyes, your humour, our chats whilst sharing a spliff. You understand my own challenges in life. We flew as if we are on the same plane.
Submission 11
Dear Christopher,
I miss your hugs. Your voice. Your laugh. Your stupid jokes. Your cheesy grin. I miss my brother. I missed the signs. I wish I helped. So much regret.
Submission 10
Dear Alexis,
There are so many things I feel like I need and want to say to you. I want to call you just to chat like we used to. I want to hear your laugh again. Man, I loved your laugh. I can hear it as I type these words. I want to see you with my babies. Listen to you while you talk with them, read to them, cuddle them.
I want to rewind time and go back to when you and I were little and dad would make way too much popcorn on movie nights. I felt like I could tell you anything. You were always so supportive and my biggest cheerleader.
Submission 09
F,
I think about you a lot. You left such an impression on me at quite a young age and I've always been so grateful, even though I can't quite pinpoint why. I think it's just because you were just so unapologetically 'you' and you were able to say so much without saying much at all.
Submission 08
Dear Kian,
It’s been 1 year, and 7 months and it hasn’t gotten any easier without you here. You’re on my mind every hour of every day, I often wonder what I would say to you, and today 04/04/2022 this is how I feel.
Submission 07
Dad,
I hope you have found the peace that you were looking for. When I am asked that dreaded question “how did he die?” I simply say, you died from sadness.
It tears me apart that you felt as though this was the only option you had. I’ve grown up hearing stories about how funny you were, how you lit up every room you entered with your personality and dance moves… although they are nice to hear, it also breaks my heart a little more each time.
Submission 06
Dear Adriana,
I know keeping you here would have been selfish of me. While of course the trauma of losing you is still raw, I really respect your decision to end it. I know you had lived a lot of trauma yourself over the years and living with bipolar challenged you in ways I can’t even imagine.
Submission 05
Mum,
It's been 8.5 weeks since I lost you. I think about you every single minute of every single day. I can't help thinking about the last time I spoke to you on your 62nd birthday only two weeks before you took your own life. It was a conversation full of hope and optimism and I was so proud to hear that you wanted this to be your year after suffering so much last year with both your physical and mental health. This made the news all that more shocking but really I wasn’t shocked. I knew it was something that had been on the cards for years and it was a matter of time before you did it.
Submission 04
To our precious Benji,
Miss you with every breath that I take and will until my last. It breaks my heart that you aren’t here and won’t have your ‘happy ending’ that you so deserved.
Some days seem impossible to bear without you and yet I must, for Ell, Lill and Ria. I listen to your voice on videos, and see your smiling face looking back but I know that you hurt so much.